Work

To spend most of your life on a trend of easy success and acceptance is a crippling existence. Don't misinterpret this, you shouldn't take the easy triumphs for granted, they're not something that should be immediately turned away, however, in retrospect to not have to work towards a goal is something that has been hamartia of my own. My habits don't reflect my future don't facilitate my progress don't ease my mind in the work I have set before me. My body does not wish to push towards anything difficult, and my mind does not wish to toil today, over prospects of an easier tomorrow.

I wish I could make this clearer, but my ambiguity allows you all to relate.

Sir, I'm sure not everyone can relate to this.

For some reason I worry that not all the people that read this will be able to take something from it, but hopefully even those of you who are incredibly different from me can become somewhat acquainted with my situation. I wouldn't like to say this change in tenacity is going to make me bitter, but lately it's left me exhausted. The fruit of my effort has not been completely ripe either, yet for some reason I've kept my old mentality that working towards something broken will eventually lead to something complete.

Sir, that mentality's never gotten you anywhere.

This is a new life, I understand that, and I'm sure you all understand that as well, so take up the charge with me and we'll try to help each other adapt as easily as possible. Crippling the demons of procrastination and calling to arms the power we all have to take up a challenge. I'm amazed with the capability everyone here has to do that. I've never been one to actually have that happen, be a part of something so like me yet at the same time have such diversity in personality. Like I've said before, I don't really have a niche here, but maybe this strive towards a better tomorrow for ourselves is exactly what we all have in common.

Sir, you're talking poetically again.

I wouldn't say all of this linear work has left me uninspired, but it has surely allowed some of my musical self to leak into other areas of my life. Conformity taking place of creativity once again. It seems to be a bit of a cycle for me lately. Another example to add to my growing lists. I think I could be slightly autistic in that sense. The way I always think in detailed lists rather than in aspects and possibilities. If anything from that list becomes flawed or indistinguishable, everything suddenly begins to fall apart.

Maybe I've just got some strange flaw that way. I've found a lot of them.

Sir, remember that you are a disease, you don't want to go back to that.

Thinking that maybe next time I could send some one else into that downward spiral still scares me to. I remind you this is completely off topic. Last time and last time's last time I became somewhat of a disease in my own mind. I elaborated in a blog once, but it seems I've lost it. I just have to keep pushing and pushing and pushing away until I can't believe that anymore. It's got a lot to do with falling, but I don't know, I don't want to know, I have to stop thinking about it.

Sir, you should be working right now.