What can you possibly expect under this condition

There was point when I stopped caring about music, and I know it's terrible, because music has been everything that is my passion. Lately it seems like I'm picking the torch back up, there are little jotted down tabs in my moleskines and there are constantly notes flitting through my head. I'm always whistling something and recording it with my phone, it's directly along the lines of Beethoven's insanity in deafness, except I'm not as amazing as Beethoven, and I'm not deaf, however I'm getting there.

I think I should recount some of the things pushing me back to music. One would most definitely be December Fall Out. They've been doing all the things I would love to be doing, and I adore them for it. They've shown me that effort can get me exactly what I want, and by going to all of their shows and being one of their biggest fans I could say that I'm living vicariously through them. Trying to jump up on stage and sing harmony has made me a little bit more a part of everything I want to be. I'm trying as hard as I can to give as much as possible to Panda Farm so we can get there too, but it's getting harder and harder lately with all of us already feeling the strain of the inescapable hiatus that is going to happen in August.

Next, I can attribute some of this to Dan from Carpenter. He hung out with me and J for a little while at the DMCC show this past Sunday, and he was so down to earth, and still so concerned and caring for the people around him even though he was already broke and probably struggling to stay in high energy with his tour. Watching him play after he bought something for J and talked to us as friends even after just meeting us was an amazing experience, and I'll probably never forget it. Maybe he'll be around in Newfoundland to give me another little push in the right direction. I can only pray that's how it turns out.

I am committing a sin also played at that show on Sunday, and seeing their cohesive structure and hearing their beautiful harmony has made me once again, inspired to do what I've always wanted to do. It's just how right it feels being in touch with people who are living the dream that I've always wanted to live. The guitarists that I stood and watched in awe moments before actually unveiled their elusive pedal boards to me because of my interest. They talked to me like a peer because I think some how they knew that I would actually use the information they were imparting me with.

So maybe you'll see more from me musically in the future, it's a possibility, however I still have to get some momentum going again as far as writing music goes, it'll probably a little bit of a process getting that going again. I've been down and out for so long that I'm not sure I've got it in me to make things that will pertain to the interest of a broad enough audience. It's a worry I've always had when releasing something (even these blogs) and it surely hasn't gone away, if not it's doubled ten fold with my personal hiatus. I'm going to try though, that's exactly what's been lacking in my life, is an excessive amount of effort.

To anyone who's reading, I want you to try to reach out to the people who are living exactly as you would like to be. They don't have to be rich, they don't even have to be outwardly happy, I just want you to talk to the people doing exactly what it is you want to be doing, be it a local author, musician, photographer, just anyone. First off, give them as much appreciation as you can, because chances are, they were like you at one time and a little pat on the back is the least they deserve after all of their effort. Secondly, ask them how they did it, so that you can climb the steps the way that they did, and perhaps someday become like them. Talent usually has a lot to do with fame sadly, so sometimes they won't have much of a story to tell, sometimes it's purely by accident, but if you catch some really good advice, it'll go a long way.

Thirdly, live a little through them, ask them about their experiences, about the journey they made to get to where they are. They'll probably have a good story to tell, and through that you can either figure out that you really want to do it, or maybe it's just not the right thing for you. I know I was turned away from my job as an electrical engineer when I found out that an EE program leader has been delegating tasks for a mobile network at Aliant. That has nothing to do with what I want to do, and even though it pays well, that's not the life that I want to lead.

Give it a try, I promise your appreciation will be well heeded, and chances are (so long as you aren't audacious) you'll be greeted with the same appreciation. It's all a hard thing to do, I understand, because hesitation is often bred by exclusive recognition, but if you're lucky, you'll be able to see through your shy side and really dig deep with your "idol".