Musically Inclined

Newfoundland's doing something that I didn't think could happen. They're challenging people all across the province to try to create an entire album within the month of february.

OPPURTUNITY!

It's sort of the motivation I've been trying to find to actually start writing music again. The challenge is writing and recording an entire album in 28 days, it has to be fourteen songs long. If you do the math, that leaves about two days per song. A challenge if I ever did hear one, however I've teamed up with an incredible musician and I think this can go really smoothly if I pick up my pen and paper and start churning out ideas like I used to.

Guitar Pro, here I come!! (I'll be posting some of the general ideas that I write in guitar pro on here so that you guys can check them out and give me some input. Download link for the program will be at the bottom of the post!)

Alright, so it's going to be tough, but with encouragement I think it's going to go really well.

Other big news. I decided that my song Echoes (downloadable in the sidebar aswell!) is probably my best work (aside from my panda farm work) and because of this, I think I'm going to try to start writing some more really mellow ambient sort of stuff. The kind of thing one might see in a movie somewhere. If there are any indie film writers out there who need a sountrack written, e-mail me a script and I'll get to work! FOR FREE! :)

I'm not sure how well I'll do at it, but after some practice and criticism I'm sure I'll improve enough and maybe some day find myself in the position of bands like Explosions in the Sky or Daniel Lanois, y'know the generic sort of soundtracky bands. If ANYONE has any ideas for me, please comment and let me know, I'd love to here.

I'll be putting my CD reviews on hold, and production of my own solo stuff until the competition's over some time in march, and I'm sure it'll be worth it.

I'm off.

Cheers.

Guitar Pro 5.2 - download torrent here!

p.s. - If you don't know how to use torrents yet, I wrote a tutorial on it here.

Home

I can't help but feel like this place is becoming less and less like my home. It's almost as if the more nights I spend away from here, the more it's becoming a living space for other people. I would sleep in my bed, but there would certainly still be people in here when I feel tired. I'm afraid of my homework starting to pile up, because I won't even be able to come in here and find solace like I used to be able to. It's not really mine here any more, and maybe I have myself to blame, but at the same time I'd like to think people should just respect me anyway. I know I didn't have much respect before, but I thought because I'd started standing up for myself it would come a little bit more easily. I know I was wrong in thinking that.

These people are the taking advantage type. They don't really consider what I may feel about it. They probably just try to blame it on her, but it's not that at all. I want to be with her when I'm with her. If you're reading this, if you can see that, stop saying she's changing me, because I'm doing all of this because I want to, and because it's better for me than being here. If you think I'd be better off staying up all night and ignoring school, and forgetting what some kind of peaceful alone time is, you're wrong. I liked what my life was when I was really home. This room has become some kind of distorted public living space for anyone who cares to come in. I have things in here I'd rather not have traipsed on by anyone who chooses. It's not that I don't trust the people in here, I just don't think they'd respect it the way I'd want them to.

Could I go back to how it was when I wasn't with her? Would I want to? Go back to grinding my head into books and only playing video games and watching movies to relieve myself? No, not a chance. There's so much more to this city to relieve me, and to take the sloth from my blood. To make me into a productive person again. Just recently I've been writing almost two blogs a day, and all because my productivity's coming back to me. I'm not held down or held back or worried about my actions anymore. It's sad that I would be judged for everything I did back then. I had to conform because that's what being in a clique is all about. I don't want that.

I wouldn't say I'm upset that I can't just sit in here anymore. This is the first time I've been alone in this room, or actually able to sit in this room without ten others around me. It's nice yes, but it's sort of a temporary solace. I know I sound like I'm complaining about this a lot, but truthfully, everything else in my life is going quite swimmingly.

That's all I'd like to say about that.

- Jeff

p.s. - This blog is receiving considerably more traffic than my CD review blog, and I'm glad some people are more interested in just hearing about my life.

New Game

There comes a time where you have to get into a new style, get into a new game. This is what we're all trying to do every day of our lives. Upgrade upgrade upgrade. We walk around in our small entourages and hope to some day be leading it if only for a minute or two because we've taken on a new style, a new game.

You face judgement too though, and I'm learning not to be afraid of that. I used to hate it when anyone would think anything of me other than what I intended them to think, but now I understand what this is. I see this as my own fault for not letting me become, well me. I mold myself into something that everyone likes. This causes me to become a pushover, causes very few people to appreciate me for what I am causes me to be a very lonely person sometimes. But this is okay, because it's better to have one friend who appreciates you than several who talk about you behind your back and say very mean things about your character when you're not looking. Thus is the reason as to why I'm fully ready to start new and start fresh and start to make some changes.

CHANGE 1

No more being aware of people making shit up about me behind my back and staying silent. I'm about to speak up, and speak up in an angry and justified voice.

CHANGE 2

This is my space too, and I'm tired of having it violated without my permission. Everything will be locked and stowed until I say otherwise.

CHANGE 3

I probably won't even sleep here anymore, I'd rather be with her every night, because she listens, and she doesn't make fun of me when I'm not around, and she doesn't think terrible things about my character. If I come home and some one is in my bed sleeping without my permission, they will have a brief moment of reckoning and find themselves on the much less comfortable floor.

CHANGE 4

I'm going to stop just writing these things on the internet and take action on them for once in my fluffy life. I'm sick, and I'm tired, and I just want to be home at this point, because that's where Fisher is.

If your nickname refers to a tasty pastry, this doesn't apply to you, you may think it does, because you spend a lot of time with the people who were saying a lot of the things that bothered me. You've been quite the good friend lately, and so has your roommate. I'm sorry if you took offence to any of this.

Discovery

In which we talk about ourselves, and our resolutions.

This is the time for us to begin talking of how we wish to be on the turn of the next New Year.

I'm in university, so naturally I'm incredibly broke. I'm trying to start a budget, but who knows if my feigning willpower will ever allow me to stick to this. This could be for several reasons. The main one would be dependencies. I'm dependent on FAR too many chemicals for me to be financially fit. These dependencies are not solely chemical, as much of it is on account of social pressures. You may have heard the words many times "University is an excuse to be an alcoholic."

It couldn't be more true.

I feel that if I can strip myself from those needs and wants that I may actually be able to waste my capital on something that matters to me, something that is withstanding, and something that will allow me to enjoy more than just a night of disillusion and lost inhibitions. I'm referring now to that drunken pseudo-euphoria. If I could strip myself of my want for that, I could spend my life in such a more efficient manner. This is not saying that I want to stop drinking entirely though, because given the proper social opportunity and atmosphere it would be quite profitable, at least, metaphysically.

This brings me to my resolution. I am going to will myself to spend only 30$ a week whilst here at university. My meals and lodging are well paid for, so this shouldn't be too difficult as without alcohol my expenses are few and easily met. This goal is only 20$ less that my previous goal, which is a realizable goal, and therefore much easier to obtain. I've learned through my many endeavors into challenged willpower that this is the easiest way to succeed in conquering a challenge. So, that is how my money will be spent, $30 per 7 days in my week.

On a different note, I've felt my musical self changing. I've stopped looking for masturbatory guitar and drums, and started looking for something that makes me feel satisfied. I used to believe that it took considerable skill to create the songs I used to listen to, with their eight minute guitar solos and soaring vocal harmonies, however, this is only one form of musical talent. To be able to take someone to a completely different realm with your music, to relax them and make them feel as though they could simply slip into a walking dream, is also something that requires very much talent.

This is where I found the Arcade Fire and Bloc Party (See download links for their CDs that I enjoy at the bottom of the page). As much as I believe that MTV's top ten albums of the decade exclude many genres, I find these two albums to be quite lovely. They've brought me to an entirely new level of appreciation, and they've made quite the splendid impact of my musical diversity.

To be fair, I have one last resolution, but it's a repeating theme. I want to lose weight, and actually keep it off. Something I was really proud of was getting down to a healthy weight and maintaining it for almost a year. My heavy course load and financial falters have led to me not having the time or money to going to a good gym. These are excuses, I realize, and the beer probably didn't help, but I'm ready to actually try this semester.

Lastly, I want to let you all know that I'm going to start writing little tidbits of advice for keeping your health and creativity while you hit university for the first time, or if you're struggling while you're here. Of course, I have to compile the advice and apply/test it to my own lifestyle, just to make sure you won't be led astray by words. When it does arrive, however, it will be beneficial to anyone finding they just don't have the time.

That'll be all

-Jeff

Bloc Party - Silent Alarm

The Arcade Fire - Funeral

TIME MACHINE

Omg, can you imagine a time machine blender?!

Helicopter

Here's to all the people who flew home after their Christmas break.

We were all visited by our Santa God, and we all got our special gifts. At least, to the ignorant who assume that Christmas isn't a lonely time of year for some people, Santa God arrived through everyone's chimneys and delivered new love for old parents.

This is good, and this is fine.

There are a lot of things people think while they're boarding an airplane. Forgive me for being fight club-esque as, that is not nearly my intention. Things just strike you in that moment, while you look out the window and watch the world slowly shrink below you. The waters and trees and seas of water recede slowly out of sight, and you suddenly feel a lot bigger than you were moments before. You feel like you're bigger and it feels nice to be able to sit back and watch the world spin slowly below you, though you're actually moving much faster than you would be driving even a race car.

This is when you pass through the clouds. As a novice, you get that small panic as you pass through the clouds and all goes dark and sad. You brace for turbulence that never comes. This is when you break through, this is when you become transcendence. You're above the clouds that look all fluffy and jump-on-able. This is when you imagine you are now flying across the tundra in a giant piece of metal. This is when you think of that commercial on the discovery channel for licence to drill. This is when you turn up your Envy on the Coast so you can't quite hear the engine quite so much.

You could be blissful, because you like to travel (and traveling is laid back free time). Or you could enjoy the travel because you are moving, and you believe in movement change and second chances. It could feel good because you're going to your other other home. It's called home because of the way it looks, the way that you feel when you walk in and everything isn't strange and new. The feeling that you're sort of welcome, and that people sort of want you there. This is what home is and it feels sort of nice to know you're going back.

If you've stopped to wonder at this point whether it should feel nice and comfy where you're going, you were quickly distracted by something else, and it didn't matter much. Thing is, you can't let yourself think about what you feel like deep deep down. Sure you think lots. You think all the time and you think more than you should. But it's not deep deep down, because deep deep down is where you get hurt by what people say and do behind your back, and in front of your back, assumed that your back ends somewhere on the front of your body, and being in front of it, would mean facing you.

I suppose that's enough rambling.

Night!