Monday, November 30, 2009

Play Crack The Sky

"What they call love is a risk, to always get hit out of nowhere..."

Some one very close to me said they thought it was incredible how emotions could overwhelm you. How when love is gone, the world becomes dull. Sounds aren't as beautiful anymore, you can't taste, you can't feel. You still smell them, you still feel them. I slept the same way I would if she were there.

"I just want him back."


It's that time again. You don't take medication because you're stubborn, and it's you being weak. You won't go to bed, because for some reason you want to prove to yourself that you don't need sleep. You're being weak.

You've got some thinking to do, especially now, and you probably won't sleep as soon as you close your eyes like you feel like you will. Your mind's not tired, your eyes are, and even if your mind was tired it'd keep you up, because minds are like that. It's got a canvas and it wants to paint it every color possible so that you can make a story out of all the things to come.

It started with Rutherford, he shot an atom at gold foil. When it collided, projections occured not only infront of the foil after the atom passed through, but it also projected behind the foil.

You call it your future complex, because you want to sound like you have an infinite amount of things wrong with you. There's a complex for everything, so you sound a little bit more interesting, you want to be figured out even though there's so little figuring out to do. Fact is, this future complex means you think about all of the different possibilities before they even happen. You think about them and then you try to make everyone like you so much that your future becomes malleable. It's a complex because this doesn't work. No matter how much you kiss ass there's no way that it's going to work out exactly how you want it to work it. See, this is why it's a complex, it's an infinite number of impossible possibilities.

It was William James next that began the search for multiverse theory. The idea that there are an infinite amount of universes parallel to ours. Each of these universes account for the infinite amount of possibilities each decision made will create. If I choose not to post this blog, if I choose to stop writing here, a new universe is created.

There's a lot of ways you can think about the future. You're a rationalist though. The glass isn't half empty or half full, the cup just isn't the right size for the amount of liquid. So this is why you're so excited about this.

I'm getting to the point now.

You've been waiting to really come into your all. Getting ready to finally take a stand. It's been so long since you've put your foot down that you've been battered and torn and changed into something that you're not even quite sure of. It's strange though, because you retain everything you once were. So it's time to start defining yourself again. This is life, and this what transition must feel like. This is exactly what you wait for, and this is exactly what opportunity is.

Thing is, is that you're happy, and that's what's important. Take it slow take it slow take it slow. These phrases always come together that way. Fact is, you're going to go along this trail because it feels just as right as it always did. You got led astray once, do you remember that? All those thoughts rushing in and violating you the way they did? It was unpleasant to say the least. You've got something going here, it's good.

I wrote something in a moleskin somewhere at some point about words that people say. I read that over, and I think it has a lot to do with what's happening right now.

Block it out and move it. You're alone in your mind, and you've gotta realize this.

This is our bubble.

Thursday, November 26, 2009


"We know we're not perfect, we love each other anyway,"

It's not something you think about a lot, in lieu of it all. It's not something you necessarily thought happened at all. You're living in a bubble and you had a dream and now you're awake.

If you could take one mistake away, would you? And if you had to take away one mistake, would another one just take it's place? Or is everything just too much to take away all at once? Let's say what happened, happened over a period of time, and there were some things. You couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that happened, but for some reason you didn't quite feel yourself for a little while. You're home now.

Did you feel that too?

You're home now, and walking through that door never felt so right. You walked into the place that feels so so right to you. Do you deserve it? Probably not. This is you though, and you're going to be like you always are and assume everything will just go on as if you never messed up at all. You're going to pretend it's just going to be "Hunky-dory".

Can I please be naive and be right, just once?

I feel like Othello. I trust almost everything for what it is. I don't second guess something once it's been done, and for that I'm usually turned away and I usually do something in my best interest that puts some one else in a very difficult position. I'm sorry for that, so sorry for that, but this is right, I know this is right, for once I am right.

"Could you stay, a little longer. I could really use some extra time,"

There's a lot of this that still confuses the hell out of me. It's beating time on my head and I just can't shake it. No no no it's nothing to worry about, this is not selfish, this is right this is right this is right.

We got this

Monday, November 23, 2009

The Path

There's a road that you'd never walk, because everything there is filled with so many different forces that you're not sure if you'll fall off or not. This is not a video game, there are no imaginary walls to keep you from straying, there are no real rules here.

You've got about eight feet to be sure of yourself. Tip toe on the brink of turning back. It's got images and it's got sounds. The smells and voices of the days past and you don't know if you can make it. It's like pushing through nostalgia to get to where you have to go.

This is who I am what I've become what the world is now. To be truthfully honest sincerely, I'm not sure what I am now. Did I ever know? Does it matter? Not at all, because this is the perfect chance to sit down and make yourself become whatever it is that's important to you. Break out, stop listening to the faces you see everyday, stop breaking the mold to be part of one. So this is the question, this is your path, do you breathe and move? Or do you turn back.

I'll choose air.

After tonight, there's really no question about it. It was so long and you couldn't even tell yourself why. You couldn't justify what you were doing. There was no means to an end here. It was a cutting of ties with scissors you didn't have the right to bear, nor did you have the reason to bare. Put simply, you were being an idiot.

There's still that real question though, have you really changed? Have those memories clung to you as tightly as you feel? Or are you different, are you there changed. No, no you're not so different. The scenery's changed and it's made you need to prove prove prove something. That's over, that's gone and dead and gone. A good friend of mine put it lightly, "If people can't take who you are, then fuck'em, why bother changing." This is the essence of it.

It's time to grow up and mature and move on. You know it better than anyone else.

Note to self: Think about how you feel about this a little bit more. You don't know what your stomach means.