Cats

I think I'm going to write an entire post about cats, and strange coincedences that have a lot to do with cats and ect. It seems like a lot of people really enjoy these furry feline creatures, and of course I do too. Does this make me strange? Hell no it doesn't, I just really really enjoy cats. I mean how could you not enjoy cats, LOOK AT THEM!

Seriously, if you can look at that picture and come back without having a little cute awwww moment, then you have to go look again. But take a good hard look into their little kitty eyes. Look so deep that you feel fluffy and innocent yourself. Feel that? That deep sense of awww, that's what you're looking for. This is Kitty Yoga, and we're loving it. How could you not love it, I defy you to not enjoy this next one, I mean honestly, they're cats, it's just cute.

Don't you seem them and just melt! Melt into your chair from sheer love and adoration. Look at those kitties! Just sitting there, so innocent and adorable. We won't tell that heavily white chested one that he's adopted though, because a kitty that's aware of it's adoption so early in life often can't cope with it and will turn into a bad kitty, and if there's one thing in this world we don't want it's a bad kitty. I mean, if it's sorta bad and only paws at you affectionately with it's paws, then it's okay, it's just a playfully mean kitty. But I'm talkin' one of those really fucked up kitties. Like the kinda kitty that'll take your hair and pull that shit out. I mean those fuckers just don't give a SHIT! Mean kitties will fuck your shit up so bad that you won't even be able to step out of your house without checking your back twice for a furry flurry of fearsome fucking up of your shit! LOOK AT THIS MEAN FUCKING KITTY!

He is just screaming DO NOT FUCK WITH THIS! Definitely made aware far too early of his kitten adoption. So like I said, don't fuck with that kitty adoption shit, it's just too harsh.

Anyway, I'm still lovin' the cute kittens, all furry and docile, sittin' around the house, chillin' with a saucer of milk. I mean seriously, there is NO MAMMAL that can't drink milk and chill like a cat. It's like they were built with a mellow mode and only a mellow mode. Especially if they're really really fat, cause just like obese people, they move very little, and only care about food and sleep. (Disclaimer: Obese humans often indulge in many other activities such as WoW, KFC and Nickleback) But these little kitties only like to do that, and love their lives.

Have you ever seen how happy a cat is whilst laying in the sunlight on top of an armchair. Have you seen this? CAUSE HE'S FUCKING CONTENT!

There's only one thing you've go to worry about when you're dealing with kitties though, and it's what not to mess with. You've gotta make sure not to FUCK around, with THIS!

Do what you like with household objects and such to entertain them, but just do not FUCK around with dogs. It's not how it goes down. How you ever seen a cat confronted by a dog about taxes before? Me neither, but it would probably turn out like Tiny Stash and his David Stars. Like honestly, DO NOT FUCK WITH DOGS.

If there is one thing every really good kitty needs though, it's a deadly ass fucking toy. And there's one thing that your content kitty could not live without. Know what I'm talking about? Do you already understand exactly what it is you have to buy your little kitty? Because I'm 100% fucking sure as to what it is your feline friend needs.

THIS SHIT!

HO-LEE FUCK! Look at that yarn. I'm pawing my screen right now I'm so excited. You have gotta have this shit. I don't mess around with my yarn or kitty, and you shouldn't either.

Now go appreciate your cat with some yarn and don't fuck around with any dogs.

I don't know why I wrote this. It just came flowing out.

Fatalism

If at any point of your life you realized that you haven't done everything that you wanted to before you died, tell me what it is. I want to know. It seems to bring me comfort that some people in this world have some of the same lost aspirations that I do. This is the kind of thing I sit up worrying about at night, so give me a little peace of mind and let me know that I'm not the only one. Tell me I'm not the only one staying up at night wondering what I'll be doing when I'm 30, wondering if my plateau is already past like some sort of stereotypical white trash poptart.

It's all the things you wish you did, and here are a few of mine, just some thoughts before the end of the night.

> Write a Novel

> Put more effort into my musical qualities

> Become closer with the people I love deeply

> Someday be a father

I wish some of it was more material, but honestly, my mind isn't as centered on that right now as it usually is. Today I was comfortable with my body for a brief time, and in those moments I could feel happy and focus on exactly what it was that is important. I got spinning on the subject and those are what I came up with. Could you say my ambitions are set far too high? Could you say I have too many dreams, well I may, but it's not spread so thin that it's impossible. Someday I might actually achieve what it is that I've put there.

Today has been productive in the sense that I haven't really been down on myself. Today has been the day that I've taken what nice things that have been said about me, and put them in a pile for evaluation. Take the compliments and rank them from 1 - 10, that sort of thing, just to see if it adds up, if any of this effort is worth it.

If I had the psyche that I used to, I'd find some way to tell myself that it's not about the acceptance I recieve, it's about the satisfaction of putting something I love out there. This is if I had the perfect psyche, but when effort goes unrewarded, it becomes somewhat of a painful realization when nothing quite turns out like it was supposed to.

Resolved that I write a novel, and I never give it to anyone, my heart will be saved, but I will never be asuaged and I will never know what it might have reaped. Resolved that I do put it out into the public, and the reception is bad, I will be a little bit heart broken, but at the same time it could be simply adding up to any expectation I might have had. Resolved that the recpetion is good, I may actually do well, and things will turn out better than expected. The latter is rarely ever the case with people who come from where I come from. It's a rare case that the small town author or musician is the one who makes it, but this could also be because of low population concentration and the hoard of self-fulfilling prophecies that go with it. Saint John is a plague regardless, but maybe I'll actually pull away from the infinite fog and become something.

Maybe

If anyone holds any hope for me I'd love to know it. If you think anything I've written on here is worthy of a story, or worthy of a voice, a narrator, than please let me know, maybe I'll actually get the motivation I need. I think I really just need a deadline to keep me focused, or some one constantly pushing from behind to remind me that I'm not nothing.

These are all thoughts and considerations, but who knows if any of it is significant. Chances are not that many people will read this and even fewer will reply. This is my expectation, this is likely how it will be led. Maybe for one I'll just be proven wrong and I might get the helping hand I've been grasping for.

Maybe