Tuesday, May 26, 2009

"Something Tells Me I'm in for Something Good"

It's the best of times when you can feel change on the tip of your tongue. It's as though you've been waiting an incredibly long time for something to just come along and bite you in the ass, infecting you with willpower. We all know this doesn't actually happen this way, you have to work for willpower, but today, in this moment, it feels like some one has literally come up behind me and bit me on the ass to provide me some sort of ethereal will. I know this sounds silly, but I can honestly feel change on the tip of my tongue. The edge of the moment provides a shifting canvas for me to be the paint upon.

Fact is, is that my life is going through this crazy transition. I'm becoming independent, which is an incredible step for some one who was a mamma's boy his entire life. I'm taking a leap out onto the unsteady floor boards of completely independent life. I'm realizing as I do this, that some of the choices I've made, and some of the mistakes that I've yet to take responsibility for, must be illuminated. They must be evaluated, and they must be slowly defeated. This is what I completely plan to do. Slowly use my will to erase these hindering characteristics. It's going to be hard, but like I said, there's something about the breath I've been drawing lately that's giving me some unreal power over myself. 

Today is going to be a good day, again, because in the first hour I accomplished a lot, and I plan to continue such productivity throughout these, my far to few waking hours. I'll be in biology class in the space of the next two hours, then beyond that, my day is a relative write off. I just have to make it through a few excruciating hours of school, and I get to take my half day, and then tonight, I'll be with her. Today should be easy, so I'll push myself and try to make my best of it.

If you took everything you've ever thought about and thrown it into a melting pot, what do you think would really come out of it? What if everything that encompassed your very being was being challenged by change? How would this make you feel? It's where I am right now, but I don't feel so bad about it, and I don't feel so bad about a change either. Lately I haven't been who I want to be, so I'm going to change.

On a lighter note, school stress is hereby gone. 93% on the calculus exam, couldn't ask for more.

Also, I've been inspired by a certain some one elses blog, he's got all his weight loss progress tracked, and I think I might do the same, check him out. (John Is Fit)

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