I think I study people, subconsciously. I've never really been into psychology, so there's no way of accounting for exactly what it is I see, or what relations I make and add to my mental list of attributes, but for some reason I can cling onto certain details. These details eventually lead to some kind of profound compassion that never really goes away. It doesn't matter how they've wronged me or who they are, I manage to find some clinging compassion in everyone's character. I could have listened to them talk for hours, or they're entire person could be completely assumed from semantics passed over curious ears, either way each person I've ever even been acquainted with has a subsection of my mind where they can find they most intimate compassion I can provide.
You could say I'm spread out, completely torn apart and can't care for each person equally but I think I may actually have some ability to switch something over, and provide all the love needed for each person to be cared about. In a completely unrelated way, some one said something that impacted me a lot today, he is an engineering instructor of 20 years, and seems like an incredibly "intuitive" person. (I thought I'd stop using the word intuitive, but a certain some one's tempered my beliefs on the use of that word.) He said that there was an old joke about generalists and specialists. It went as follows "Generalists, are people who learn less and less about more and more. These people eventually end up learning nothing about more and more. Specialists are people who learn more and more about less and less. These people eventually learn more and more about nothing."
This is a reflection of my own life, and the way I've spread myself out into a million different areas. I'm a jack of all trades, but an ace of not a single one. I think it's my way of trying to branch out in every direction to make as many connections as humanly possible. Although this is sometimes a virtue, my connections end up being the connections of a generalist, they begin to become more and more of nothing. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm not, because as I stated before I'm some one who prides himself on sharing equal compassion for all the people in his life.
If I could be as ignorant as I'd like to me, none of these worries would bother me and I'd be able to go about my day as a normal person. Or maybe, my perception of what a normal person thinks about is dangerously skewed. I'm not entirely sure. For now all I consider is exactly what happens when I interact with these people.
All I am is who I am, but not in the sense that others are attracted to me through them, they simply make up all that I am physically and psychologically.