Sunday, October 18, 2009


Balmer was incredibly interested in hydrogen's light spectrum. The way it's wavelength related to the color it emitted.

I think I'm starting to come across in a strange way. I keep telling myself I need a life change, and I keep contemplating very abstract things, things I would've never dreamed of. I want to stop drinking on the weekend to save money, I want to stop eating meat so I won't accept that lucious piece of pizza at the end of a long night of studying. I want to sleep like a madman, using polyphasic sleep methods to dilate my waking time and gain just enough momentum to get something done with the extra hour a day I gain. I want to do things that I don't even have the will power to do, and I have no idea why.

When n as an integer relating to wave length is less than 380nm, the light is invisible..

I'd like to think that if I pulled one of these incredible bouts of willpower that I won't become a narcissist, that I won't gloat about it, however for some reason I can already feel myself typing a blog about my first week of being a polyphasic sleeping vegetarian who doesn't drink. It's like I need something to add to a repertoire that doesn't need any more strange traits. I want what everyone wants to be smart beautiful healthy but for some reason my ends never justify my means. Maybe it's not time for a life change, maybe I just have to do better what I always did before. Maybe I just need to sleep. Maybe maybe maybe.

As n approaches 7, λ approaches a value of 397nm, and the light becomes Violet.

Once I get to where I want to go, will this ever be good enough, will I ever look just like that, just as I always pictured myself being at the highest of my high, or will I overshoot it, will I descend down some ladder of endless stairs, where each one marks another part of my life where I must excel. This of course will lead to the other things I worked so hard for faltering and failing. As I improve, I will actually fall through the echelons of my achievement.

As n approaches 6, λ approaches a value of 410nm, and the light begins to shine Indigo.

So this is the course I intend to take, as treacherous as it may seem. I don't want to try anything drastic yet, I'll take the common approach and start small, I'll go exactly one week doing something that I want to change for the rest of my life. It's strange how that idea consistently pops up. The rest of my life. The very concept always impeding the progress of whatever it is I want to do. I've done the ten day trial, I've tried to meditate it away before it even happens, but it's just like the game. Once you're consciously aware, it's there again, and it won't go away. The human brain can only subconsciously process up to seven things, once you've thought of seven things, the thought seven thoughts ago is supposed to be pushed out, only to return again at a later date. Try it, I promise by the time you think of seven things to think of you'll be right back at square one trying to remember why you were seven things thinking in the first place.

As n approaches 5, λ approaches a value of 343nm, and the light begins to shine Blue.

If you had one chance to stop this, if you could allow yourself to climb continuously upward without allowing the scales to tip, would you find happiness? Atop the highest mountain of your own personal achievement, is there a tiny conduit of happiness that spills forth all that you've tried for, or is it just a small reminder that as you were climbing you'd dropped something to become light enough to ascend further. And even if you made sure not to forget everything, would you not reach the top only to bask in the success of you're carrying that burden, rather than the development you've sought?

As n approaches 4, λ approaches a value of 486nm, and the light begins to shine Green.

If you've realized by now, there's no real way to do everything, to change completely to allow yourself to be content, it will oscillate and change as you do. Your setting tempers you directly, and there's no way of being completely sure of what you're doing. You may benefit in one way, and I congratulate you there, but there's something lacking. Personally, I play guitar every day, or try to. Some days I have too much homework, or I want to go to the gym, or I simply can't miss supper. Some nights I'm supposed to call my parents, but I get too caught up with my friends. Sometimes I forget to say goodnight to the people who matter most because I'm too caught up writing a blog late into the night.

As n approaches 3, approaches a value of 656nm, and the light shines Red.

I'll leave you with that. Goodnight

1 comment:

Raisingsmartgirls said...

I know, this may not matter in the grand scheme of your life...

You continue to amaze me.

You make me recall the moments in my younger days where I wanted to do everything and was so frustrated I could not have enough time in the day to do everything and fill every role I wanted to fill.

I was an incredibly high achiever, who came from an abusive family and an narcissistic/sociopathic mother. A major mind f--k that ride was. I'm still living with the emotional fallout.

Your writing will eventually bring you clarity. You will test your hypotheses. Sometimes you will hold fast to your beliefs, sometimes they will be finely adjusted. You'll bring in new information, new ideas some will stick, some will be rejected. Eventually many will be integrated into your own personal philosophy.

You will feel tension and inner crises, but that is only your self dismantling itself temporarily, to be re-built into something better. It's called positive distingration and it's common among reflective, higher level thinkers. Kazimierz Dabrowski studied this phenomenon. Some days you will think you are going crazy. I assure you, that you aren't.

Some idea of what it is like can be found in the book, Living With Intensity.

here's a book review.

as if you need something else to read...
here it is on google books. You can read it for free.

When you understand how your mind works, you'll understand yourself a whole lot better and how to help guide yourself during these years of intense growth and development.

Best wishes, truly