Sunday, October 11, 2009


It's strange the way words stop flowing with incredible ease from your body. It's also strange that you can simply stop being the same person you were because your surroundings have become drastically different. You spent your whole life working for this son, breaking down and analyzing everything so you could understand it just enough to keep everybody happy. Does it matter now?

Does it matter at all?
Did it then?
What do you think?
I'd rather not know.

There's a lot of questions that I'd like to ask the me of five years in the future, like should I really try to fit into the right niche like I did in high school, or should I be myself. Some one told me that one night, that I have to be myself and stop pushing so hard. Thank you, and you might know who you are, but if you don't I'll make sure to thank you personally. Just so you'll really know.

Did I mention
Thank you

It's not entirely a question of whether I should make everyone like me, it's a question of how much effort, or how much sacrifice I should make through my own character to attain some kind of status where I'll be accepted and acceptable by everyone that lives in this house.

Did I mention,
I'm an adult now

Frosh frosh frosh. I'm a first year resident of student housing, and I suit the name quite well. It's the way I want to be I suppose. Relate myself to the closest stereotype to my status, do it well, then come back to blow them away by moving up the ranks. This is how high school went this is how life has always been this should be easy. THIS SHOULD BE EASY. Okay slow down, you shouldn't even be thinking about it. Listen to her advice, stop trying so hard. Stop pushing pushing PUSH. It's all you know how to do, but I advise you step back and allow yourself a light moment to reflect and realize where you want to be. Realize what niche you belong to.

Did I mention,
This'll be easier if you let go of that silly ideal.

So it's true, you know that not everyone will like you. Where do you go from here? Do you be bitter when they don't come looking? No, you embrace the ones who do come looking for you. If you're the one that came by tonight, because you heard some music, and you felt like you wanted to listen, thank you. You know who you are, and right now, I think we're pretty good friends. Do you mind if I say that? I hope you don't. It feels good to know that some one really cares.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not upset, I'm not bitter distressed upset. I've got a lot of people who do care about me here, I just haven't had to go looking in a long time. Those two who recently came into some bad contact with a crawling fish, thank you. For being there when I really needed some one. I look forward to having some one that really cares about me, and after so little time, so close by. You make me know I'm going to be just fine okay good.

It's not really much to say you know, it's just a little thank you to all the people who've been around just lately. I probably can't afford to live like I'm about to, but I'm going to, and it's nice to have an arm there to support me in my foolish endeavors. For the one who said I don't have to worry about drugs because now I have a drinking buddy, thank you, and you know who you are.

The one who sings like an angel, the one who just wants a bed time story, the daughter of a seamstress and my own rival chef. The only appreciator of satch, the man with the mind to ask me for help with the way the world pulls us down and the one who can create a slight sexual indulgence in any word said. The one who shared their food because they wouldn't be there and wouldn't have it wasted. You all know who you are, and you're all making this incredibly easy for me.

If I thought that I'd be in a world where I couldn't have people like me, I obviously didn't look at all the ones who sat back and really took me in this month. And you held me up in something that was so difficult for me that you might not even have known about. As long winded as this is, I find it mildly appropriate, for anyone hanging onto my life from afar, they need the details as much as I want to give them to them.

Splash, I know you're probably out there, listening right now, because you've always been there for me, and you're always going to be there. I can't wait till I can come home and we can go flying on your new horse. It's just something that I miss. One of the little things that I took for granted while I was away, and forgive me for speaking in code, but sometimes it's better to leave people wondering you know? I figured I'd give you your own little session here, to let you know that you're the one part of home that I wish I could've brought with me, just so that we could get back to our roots and cause some trouble like we always had. It's just something I think about quite constantly.

If you made it all the way to the end, I sincerely appreciate it, my words are all of me, and to take this all in, even if I don't know you've read it, means worlds to me.

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