Two Days

This weekend has been an adventure. There's no other way to really put it besides that. It's an adventure. I've seen a million faces and I've witnessed more facets of those faces in these short two days than I've ever witnessed before. The small things you take in, the things you wonder worry ponder about are so numerous in these situations that sometimes it's hard to remember all the things you wanted to elaborate on, the things you wanted to share. Some of them of course are completely prominent, the things that came to you so clearly.

1. Kinship is akin likeness. - People are judgmental by nature. People discover cliques, or groups, or common friends who all share this same judgment. I'd like to say that anyone is capable of being completely nonjudgmental, however there is always, in my experience, a set list of rules which one must abide by to truly become part of a persons recognized faces. If you extrapolate one persons set of judgmental rules, you find the rules of their respective clique, and extrapolating further to find the rules of the morals set within this group. If you follow the line directly out, further and further you'll eventually come to a binding rule book that is set by the surroundings and acceptances of a general setting. Though you may not recognize it, this exists subconsciously, for me and for nearly everyone I've met.

Whether or not these rules impact you to the point of loving or hating some one, on the clique mentality level, they're all that matters. In order to become part of a group of friends, to be in a small clique, to be generally accepted, your rules have to mirror the ones that are set by the people who make up the group. Sound complicated? Not entirely. "Do as I do" The greatest form of flattery is the most efficient way to excel socially, though it is not at all fulfilling. It seems to be that the abstract, the ones who completely defy all rules and who fight against conformity, who seem to be envied by most. My best example is a close friend and roommate of mine who shows incredibly signs of willpower which grow every day. He's envied, he's loved, and it's wonderful. This way of nonconformity is so much more difficult, but I'm sure his sense of fulfillment is much greater than the sheep in the pack.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a follower by trade at this point, abandoning my high school leader position to fall into rank, to fit a mold. (My words being my rebellion.) To be considered a follower forever would of course cause me some internal trepidation, however I'm sure this could just be my point of view impeding my social growth. I'm sure there are many groups, especially the ones that I'm a part of that hold now true leader, and the followers are not followers, simply friends. We act as bees without a queen, congregating to for some unconscious effort as friends to create our own bonds and deciding our own boundaries.

I'm rambling on this topic, so it may be revisited.

2. History repeats itself

I dare say I'm about to be vague about this topic. It just seems as though it should be taken note of as it's the theme of my thoughts lately.

It seems as though I've been choosing my company based on the faults of my previous. This seems to be a poisonous routine on my part, as it was the exact process I followed previous to my recent failure. I've dropped into a deficit. If I follow the same path I will fall again (though I may be wrong this is my fear.), however if I take to the opposing road I run the risk of encountering the same failure, as experience has shown both paths are treacherous. If through practice I can some how find a road that is intersecting, a road where my rules are met I may be content, though I am guilty of telling others this is simply not the mentality to have. To find a road that would be the most logical to take (in this sense at least,) often leads to something not wanted in the first place. This is the business of work and temperament, should I take an easy, plowed road, I will not find myself wanting what it is I have sown.

Once again I apologize for being so vague, however if you do understand my last words, any suggestions are appreciated.