Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A little lack of innocence

I've got a new job as a playground supervisor, and I must say it's been somewhat of a growing experience. I've seen all of these kids run around and see wreckless abandon with absolutely no hesitation to participate. It seems as though they all truly see the world clearly and innocently, it's the way I used to see people who had yet to wrong me. Something inside me has been changing, but I still retain that quality from when I was a child, and I hope to never lose it, because it seems to be somewhat helpful and more compassionate.

I envy them, but at the same time I feel terrified for how naive they all are. It's as if they act in the way they've been told to, but still in only the hypothetical sense that they training provided presents. I feel that if they were truly in a situation where they would have to act in one way to save a life, maybe even their own, they would falter and prehaps end up in much more danger than before.

There are situations where I worry that the compassion some of the kids have is severly lacking. Such is the case with the small girl I have who just hours ago told all of her peers that she had lice, and that they should stay away from her. Such a cry for attention is painful, and even more painful in her case. She is quite likely the victim of fetal alcohol syndrome, and was once the daughter of parents who heavily abused narcotics of the worst kind. They eventually were drawn out of the picture, and now she is in the custody of what seems like two apathetic grandparents. I feel horrified for her, because when the real world begins, the problems will only multiply.

Luckily, I don't have all bad thoughts at the present. Currently I'm incredibly inspired to play something more advanced, more meaningful. If you have ever listened to Buckethead's electric tears album, or Hessian Peel by Opeth, you can see exactly what I'm aiming for. The ominous and brooding effect on a light and eerie guitar. It'll most likely be recorded right here in my room, and I'm not even sure if I'll sing on them, I just want to start putting my ideas out there, because right now they're burning a hole in my head.

As a foot note of post script, I want to mention that I can't wait to leave this city.

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