Acoustic Tracks Finizzled

Well, it seems like I actually got the acoustic tracks for the song finished, and they actually sound pretty good! I'm surprised, because initially I was having some real bad trouble with the meteronome not being loud enough and ect. however, I adjusted it to a snare sound, and voila! It was like I was playing a Dispatch song the whole time. Needless to say, I stayed on time for the rest of the recordings, and it went quite smoothly. Kinda like peanut butter, but not that smoothly, cause I had to do a couple takes of each track, so maybe, even though it was almost at smooth as peanut butter, it was probably as smooth as the kind of PB that has those tiny bits of nutts crushed up in them. Probably about as smooth as a jar of that after you smooth out half of the nutts, so about as smooth as a half smooth jar of crunch peanut butter. Yeah. That's about right.

Anyway, I've been joshin' around with the Line 6 effects interface most of the night, trying to download more interesing presets and what not, and now it's come to my attention that I'm an FX junky. I just love the stuff. It probably stemmed from all the excess Our Lady Peace in my musical diet at an early age, you know, all that good stuff (for more info on my influences visit this post). So I've been messing around trying to find something that really suits the song. If I can find something with just a kiss of flanger in it and maybe a well tempered delay, I think I'll really have what I'm looking for.

So that's what I've done with my night thus far, rhythms, leads, and a couple hits on the body of my clickity-blinks to make a new track. CDs got nearly two songs at this point. Wish my further luck!

- MUTHA FUCKING FALCO

December Never

Looks like today we had a pretty crap crowd at the show. All of you who did come see us play and do some stuff at the quarter carnival, much much appreciated, however, there was a select few. I think we've gotta put some spunk back into the music scene around here, it's starting to get to be a sad sight when no one shows up to any of the bands playing.

Tonight's going to be the first solid night of recording, as soon as dad gets up from his nap that is. I'm going to lay down the solid acoustic guitar track for december never, and quite possibly a shaker in the background, just something to add a little bit more girth y'know? The lyrics are already set in stone, but how to sing them is still up for a little bit of debate, how harmonies will fit and the what not.

I've got one track completely done already, and that would be a cover of Glen Hansard's Leave. I used the wonderful mixture of a simple clean guitar effect, and some heavy reverb on my voice to make it sound as good as Glenny's rendition.

Anyway, off to the races,

Tootles

Writing for a CD

I know I know, it's been ages, but lately, I'll just be putting in small posts updating my CD recording. All my free time is now going to that. I feel like it's finally time to really take up the torch and put some music worth listening to out there. I'm not trying to talk myself up, honestly, I don't know if there's much pride surviving on the side of music lately, but I'm going to try.

All the money is going to go toward buying a new acoustic electric guitar, well, I think I'm going to take a dollar of each CD sale and donate somewhere, this is still in the works though, it depends on how many orders I get for CDs. I'm going to go about finding out how to spice up CD cases soon, probably hit up Staples some time in the following week to talk to some one about it.

In other news, the band's t-shirts have found a nice place to get their prints done, so we might actually make enough to go record this summer. I sincerely hope we can sell enough to make the profits. It's about 400$ to get there and get the songs done, this isn't including the cost of living and food, so I'm assuming that'll be about an extra 200$ each for a week, just to eat our three meals a day and to buy the necessities for living on some one's front lawn. Alright here we go, time to hit the hay so I can start fresh in the morning, thanks for all tuning it!

- Jeff Cook

Insensitive Hiatus

I apologize to many of my avid readers, as it is true, I have been fairly absent for awhile. My reasoning is simple. I have recently come across a burst of musical infatuation. I've been playing around with a new recording interface that I bought, and am currently very employed with trying to write music and be in a band that's currently on it's way up in the city's musical food chain. We have a couple of shows lined up here and there, and it's safe to say that I'm reasonably excited for them. I think we've really get a little bit more edge, a little bit more quality to offer than most of the bands in the area. No offence, clearly I enjoy the music of almost every outfit Saint John has to offer, it's just, I'm incredibly hopeful, and incredibly proud of the music that we make. It's like my baby or something.

I've found a lot in the last little while. Found out things. Different things about people, places and things, basically I just know a little bit more about the nouns in my life. They're all changing, unfortunately. I know that sounds weird coming from me, some one who loves science, who loves technology, who thinks every step of the way is a slow and tedious progression into death, however, change scares me too. I've gotta flesh out all these new psychological rules for all of the people that have decided to subtly change their psyches. This probably sounds superficial, I apologize, I don't mean to have any one think that I've figured them out, however, I do do my best to fully understand people so that I may help them in the most efficient way possible.

Story's all behind the eyes really, just waiting for me to come read it.

It seems like I've fallen in with a "crowd". Not necessarily a good or bad one, I'm not putting any label on them, it's just a strange concept for me to be so confined to a single group of friends. Sorry, no no, not confined, but to only wish to be with a certain amount of people when I go out, or when I do things. It's just strange I guess, so many people are drifting away from me, just letting themselves slip because I'm busy, or because I'm not always "there" like I used to be. It's sad, and it hurts, but I can't help it. My life's in constant motion, how can I help not being at certain things. But I digress, as I've grown closer to those around me which I wished to. They are my peers, they are those which I compare myself too, and I'm happy with that. I don't mean to sound introverted, but we're a particularly clever bunch for only just being on the brink of graduating high school.

There's the rub hmmm?

We're going to graduate this year, all of us going out into the great big world that is real life.
It's just strange to be faced with something like independence, none of us have had something so immaterial yet so valuable at the same time. It'll be like holding a tiny china doll that we cannot see, cannot feel, can barely fathom. We'll probably come to the mutual understanding at some point that freedom is an incredibly fragile thing, independence being that which provides the torque to keep it in balance. Terrifying thought, being thrown into turmoil by enjoying yourself too much.

I think I'm finally grasping time management, I'm actually understanding when I procrastinate, and I'm trying to convert those wasted minutes into productive time doing something. The best tip I got was to start making lists, detailed detailed lists, sort of like the brain of some one with Autism. Just list out your day in perfect order and perfect detail, and you'll start to plot out your tendancies. One of my tendencies say that when I wake up late, or I "sleep in" I always end up having a particularly lazy day. This could be easily solved if I could some how push my sleep patterns back to a healthy time, however, midnight seems to be my set sleep time, and eight o'clock seems to be my set wake up. I want to fix this like you couldn't even believe.

Well, the band has shirts now, and we have almost five songs written and rehearsed, it's quite something for a fledgling band to have, and I hope you all listen to the tune on myspace it truly is my pride and joy, my little baby panda farm band.

Insightful Stranger

I've always wanted to meet an incredibly insightful stranger, some one who you see in the movies in an incredible impromptu place.

My insightful stranger might be standing at a food stand somewhere you'd never usually be. You'd go up and order something a little bit more risqué than you're used to, and then you'll pay with exact change. The conflict in character will strike up a conversation because, of course, this person is especially insightful. They'll start talking as though it were another normal conversation, because of course, not everyone loves having an insight thrown at them, and they'll wait to see if you respond. Play out the motions, talk about weather, ect.

Eventually, you'll let them know you need a little advice on something, you'll let spill something from deep down inside you and they'll pick it up like it's gold. They're just your every day worker, nothing particular about them, they just truly and honestly want to help you. So this will lead you to talk to them about your problems openly. After all, they're a stranger, no one to you, and for some reason they seem like they can help.

Out comes something mundane, just a simple solution, something just to make you rebut in some kind of half hearted way, just something to let them know you're willing to commit to a change, just something to tell them that you've got nothing left to lose in the situation. They'll then give you the foundation of your problem, just throw it back at you, make you put your own intuition into trying to solve it. They give you a chance, after all, they don't want to insult your intellegence by throwing something completely radical at you. They're a stranger, what right do they have?

So if you do figure it out, you'll get the smile and the nod of reassurance to let you know that you're on the right path, however if you're wrong, the insight will come in full force. This is why I need my insightful stranger. You need some one to push you over the edge of reassurance. So they'll tell you all they can, and for some reason know an incredible amount about it. They'll help you through it.

It's not just simple information, it seems like a well thought out guide. Step by step, something some one with autism would be able to pick up without any notice. They give you the steps and the right ways to go. You've made the connection now.

Maybe you'll spill a few more things about them, maybe you won't, it's no real mystery now that you've made some small kind of relationship just listening to this incredibly mundane passerby. They'll tell you what you need to know, so maybe you spill a little bit more. Of course, they won't intrude, but it makes them happy to help.

I want that experience, just some one who comes to you with absolutely no reason to either let you know you're right, or to truly put you on the right path toward psychological restoration. It's just a way to let you know they care, in some sort of distant way.

There's nothing I'd love more than to meet an incredibly insightful stranger to put me on the right path.

Download Free Movies

If there's one thing that's necessary in any computer arsenal it's the integration of the .torrent file. I know many of you right now probably already know what this, or have heard it in passing, or maybe some of you just choose not to use them. I've decided to make this guide because sometimes in order to play modded games on modded systems or to download some of the necessary components, you'll need to understand bittorrents on base level.

Once again, using torrents don't require a whole lot, however, some hiccups can occur. I'll lay down the base requirements and we'll go from there.

Requirements

1) Internet Connection

2) Disk Space required for file being downloaded

3) Adequet RAM ( I recommend using at least 1GB of RAM for all of you old schoolers out there.)

4) Ample online time is required to download some files.

Don't let any of these scare you, it really doesn't take much. Take Quinn Langille's computer for example. It has the computing capacity of a toaster with youtube yet it some how still manages to download some pretty hefty torrents after some time.

The advantage to using these sharing tools is the massive amount of data you can recieve in a short period of time. If you want movies, games, seasons of shows, nearly anything, a torrent will do the trick. Now before we begin to talk about the .torrent files themselves, I'll have to go over how to get the bittorrent client downloaded. Now, there are several bittorrent downloaders out there, just like there are a multitude of P2P programs (however most are now obselete on account of everyone using youtube to listen to music.), but I prefer to use the bittorrent program Vuze. It was formerly known as Azureus but then became Vuze in order to incorporate a more user friendly interface and more P2P options.

Alright, let's head on over to Vuze's site and get ourselves the setup file. (Or you can download it directly here.) Once you have the setup downloaded, dilgently follow along with the instructions and make sure you read carefully before clicking the okay button, some questions about your internet connection will be very important in the future.

Once you've gotten through the setup it's about time that you went about finding a torrent to download. Now you've got a million choices, anything you could've dreamed for, from the newest and most obscure of video games to the most bizarre and out of this world pornography that the internet has to offer. It's all there, and all conviniently packaged for you in a .torrent file.

You can find torrents using almost any search engine on the web, and eventually you'll find out where your niche is and which torrent sites will most often provide you with the right results, however to get going I'd strongly recommend you head on over to [ torrents.to ] They've got an automated search engine, and more often than not, you'll find the torrent you're looking for without doing too much digging.

Now, before you go ahead and start downloading the torrent I'll refer you to two sites. These two sites offer direct downloads from the net of usually the same type of content, meaning, everything. Rapidshare and Mediafire both offer the user the ability to simply go online and download whatever it is they want without the middle man of Vuze or Bittorrent, however, the downloads tend to take a very very long time to finish, whereas torrents finish quite appropriatelty.

While you're searching for your torrents there are a few terms that will come up a lot, and you'll be wise to make sure you know what they mean. Of course, I'll give you a definition.

Seeds: Seeds are the people that are currently supporting downloaders. They have the file already completely finished, and are leaving there's on the net for you to pull from. Basically the more seeds, the faster your download finishes.

Leeches: Leeches aren't necessarily a bad thing, I've learned by experience, however, if there are too many, your download will go incredibly slow. Basically leeches are in the same position as you are, they're downloading the file, however there is one difference. Leeches are pegged as not seeding after they're finished downloading the file, so you won't benefit from them, but usually they don't have a colossal effect on you either. Basically, leechers are the same as you, except they won't allow others to upload from them.

Share Ratio: Your share ratio is the ratio of how much you download to how much you seed after your download is finished seeding. If you download a file, and you only seed so much of it before deleting it from your list of files, your status moves closer and closer to being a leecher. I'd recommend always keeping up a healthy share ratio so that you don't get restricted from downloads when you need them most. So make sure to seed after downloading, simply out of etiquet if nothing else.

Trackers: Trackers are private sites that only allow certain users to download their torrents, this is a leecher prevention method. While most allow the general seeding population to use their services so long as the person becomes a user, some trackers actually require a certain quota. They will ask users to maintain a certain share ratio, upload a certain number of files ect. I recommend trying to stay away from private trackers all together, as finding public torrent files is actually just as convinient.

That'll keep you alive for at least awhile in the wonderful world of torrents, at least as far as base knowledge goes. Learn the terms well, know them, live them, love them.

Once you've found the right torrent, download it and open it up. If it opens with a program other the the bittorrent client you've chosed (the one I provided being Vuze) then open up the client and drag and drop the torrent file into the download window, it should start immediately. Most programs will ask you what you want the destination location to be, specify it to be whichever you want it to be. C:\ something if you're on a run of the mill computer, D:\ something if you have another hardrive where you usually store all of your media.

Anyway, skip ahead to the actual downloading process. If you find that your download is running too slow, this could be for a plethora of reasons. There might be too many leechers, this is often the case. There may not be enough seeders to support the part of the file that you need, or you might not be running the connection right. If you are running from the ground, than there is little chance that you are having a connection problem, however, if you're using a wireless connection with your computer there may be some issue with virtual servers (contact your internet service provider to find out how to use your own personal router to open up virtual servers).

Using a virtual server will open up a tiny fly hole for data to pass freely through a firewall to your computer, this is a secure way to allow the torrent files to download faster. Windows will most likely notify you if the connection is firewalled by your computer system and you can opt to allow Vuze to be unblocked in future cases.

Now sit back and wait for you file to finish. That will be all for today.

Jeff.

p.s - Don't forget to visit my affiliate sites, I have to get to university sometimes. You can can find the ad links below every post, and remember, it's free for you to click.

Mithocondria

The world has become somewhat uniform in a lot of ways. We pass down pass down pass down everything. It's just one person taking up what their elders decided to leave behind in their genetics. The story that comes from their mother father grandparents. It's a story and it's written all throughout the code in your body. Your DNA.

The Ladder of Ancestry

The different letters can add up in a million different ways, gauging how we react, how we are who we are. There's a ladder made up of a beautiful doubled stranded helix in our code that tells us exactly who we are and how we should be.

a-t a-t a-t a-t

You can look at it however you want, be in fate, be it religion, be it some divine hand in your creation, but in the end it comes down to four little letters. It comes down to who you have to be, who you're destined to be through the neurons reacting in your brain. Your corneas know to register light as they do because their DNA holds the process to create the protien that feeds the enzymes that feed your brain.

That hefty old brain of yours that just tick tocks the rest of your life away. It’s tempered by all those enzymes, all of those experiences held within cerebral fluid. This is all made up by double strands of nitrogen, phosphorous, oxygen and a little itty bitty five cardon sugar. Did you know all this code was held together by tiny, incredibly easily breakable hydrogen bonds, the weakest of all chemical bonds? Did you know that the tiny quarks racing through your system as you become subject to radiation could be tearing apart your genetic coding as we speak.

The peculiar thing about all of this is, is that there’s a helix, a solenoid wrapped chromatic that never changes. That remains genetically constant as it’s passed along from one to the other. It’s your mitochondria. It says everything. It is the exact same strand in every body, passed down from the mother. The thing that fuels us, that which makes us move, makes our cells breathe, it comes from our mothers. It is a constant. It is a reminder of just how the same we all are. One day, lying in the ground, we’ll unravel and our mitochondria will be long dead, and it’ll be so hard to tell who we were, but for now, we know exactly who we are. Know exactly what we’re meant to be. We’re meant to be exactly what our mother intended us to be. We’re genetically linked whether we like it or not, and you’ll never escape that guilt.

It’s amazing how simple science can make life to understand.

Our bodies, emitting electromagnetic fields in the heat of passion, maybe more dangerous that high emission power lines. Baby’s mutation is another man’s pleasure. All of that pressure, all of that passion. Did any of you know that we’re all the perfect scientists? We can calculate average velocities and displacements, curve lengths, frequency pitches subconsciously with enough practice. Every time you catch a ball your mind goes through a million processes calculating when it will arrive and how fast it will be going when it gets there. Every time we sing along to a song we’re doing the necessary physics to realize exactly how the wave would look if we could see it.

We’re musical people because we know what makes us, we know we’ll submit.

Cows are the perfect physicists, unconsciously aligning themselves with the earths polar north while they’re trying to rest. They know exactly where to go. Shocked and confused if they point to the rising sun, if they have to face to the east. Magnets and power lines, magnetic fields and ELFs, they fuck the cows up. The mess up the very physical fabric of the natural order of things. We have to understand that it’s all there for a reason. We can’t keep making everything our own device, because really, it’s all going to end up the same way.

We’re genetically coded, and we’re killing ourselves to try to escape it.

Succumb

Free Super Nintendo Games (Even at School)

I've decided that it's time for all of you to enjoy a little bit of nostalgia. I know that the majority of us probably owned a super nintendo at one time, and I'm sure even more of you would love to indulge in all the of the games you once played. This is why I've decided to make a little guide for all of you so that you can once again enjoy some of Nintendo's wonderfully classic gems.

You don't need much for this little modification.

1) A Computer

2) An Internet Connection

3) A keyboard

4) Minimal Disk Space

So as you can see, almost any one can do this. If you're in a district 8 highschool, like I am, you can even download these games and play them while you're slacking off in one of your many computer based classes.

The first thing you're going to need to do is find an emulator. An emulator is basically a file that exactly mimics a super nintendo. Because it's hard for us to find our old systems or controllers, having something as simple and as small as an emulator is incredibly convenient. There is a plethora of emulators to choose from (some better than others) however, I myself will choose the most common and popular Super Nintendo emulator, this being the ever so popular ZSNES.

You can find it here. (Keep in mind this is a direct download, it should start immediately, and that this is the windows version, if you are a mac user you are out of luck )

Once the file is downloaded, you'll need to unzip or extract it somewhere that is easy to find. I would recommend placing it on your desktop. If you can't unzip the file on account of lack of software, there is a freeware program that I will be using a lot in the future called Winrar, you can either google search Winrar and download it there or you can find the windows version here.

Okay, so at this point the file should be unzipped and extracted somewhere memorable, I.E. your desktop or directly inside my documents. If you have cluttered folders like I do the desktop would definitly be the better placement of the folder.

Once this is done, you can double click the icon that opens ZSNES, this is labeled zsnesw.exe with the windows version.

[note: make sure that the zsnesw.exe file, and the files that were contained in the zip folder with it, have their own seperate folder to be a part of. This isn't necessary, however, it makes finding ROMs and saves a lot easier to find.]

You'll see a purple window, this is your interface. You don't have any ROMs yet, however, you can feel free to enter the settings menu and see what the controls are for the program ect. Now, once you're done looking around you'll need to find some ROMs to play.

ROM: the digital equivilent to an SNES game, it can be downloaded and played on virtually any computer.

ROMs can be found in a multitude of places, however, the most popular sites are emuparadise and CoolROM. To get to the SNES ROMs all you have to do is click on the links in the side bars and download the files. I'm technically not aloud to post direct links to the ROMs, however, they are relatively easy to find provided you can find the word ROM on the site. (If you're having trouble, press Ctrl-F and then type in ROM, now hit enter, and it will highlight the word on the page where it appears)

Provided you've already found the ROM you're looking for, I recommend that you don't "vote" for any of the ROM sites. They always ask you to vote for them, however, it is usually just a way to promote affiliates ect. You don't want to attract any unwanted pop-ups. However, if you're truly avid about the site, go ahead and vote. 

Now you've got the ROM. Once it is download, all you need to do is place it into the exclusive folder we made for zsnes earlier and fire up the zsnes.exe file again. This time, click GAME, and then LOAD. The interface should open directly to the folder in which the executable file is stored. If you stored your ROM in this folder, the name of the game will be the only thing on your list. Double click the game title, or highlight it and press enter and away you go. Free SNES games straight to your computer.

Note: If the ROM is within a .zip file, sometimes it is required to extract the file into the zsnes folder.

Enjoy, and as said before, this should work at school provided you can gain access to the sites, I've managed it behind a few backs lately.

Because sometimes I love Science

The room seemed to be a little bit bigger with each passing second, the walls creaking and unhinging all around. It seemed as though the contents of the room itself was causing the matter within the ways to disengage at a molecular level and expand, even though incredibly slowly beyond reason.

 Creaking and slipping, the material that makes up the containment slowly pushes against the mysterious force within the room and expands instinctively, yet still against the will of many that find so much solace within. As the walls become theoretically malleable, bending on themselves to push further and further away, there is a substance dancing with juvenile abandon throughout the unknown energy that is seeming to molecularly, slowly, destroy the room. 

These floating entities, these nearly invisible celestial bodies, they show no signs of life, show no signs of malignance. It is just to be understood that they are simply there. They have to be there in order to have everything make perfect sense.

Necessary Improvisation.

More creaks and more curling, more push push push on account of some unknown mass and it’s multitude of tiny personal angelic dancers. Mind you, these angelic dancers are completely and utterly theoretical, purely necessity. In the center of the room, there’s something a little bit more visible, something actually slightly tangible, though it is not completely understood. A ball of gas, a space keeper between things, simply a tiny ball of gas to contain everything that we understand.

Our own personal bubble.

Within this tiny bubble, there are lights, so many lights, illuminating everything inside. Keeping everything so warm, keeping everything in a perfect elliptical motion. These lights, they may be related to the previously mentioned celestial bodies; they may secretly know each other. One may simply be the dream of another.

Theories upon theories.

Finally, at the center of all things, is Ia, our personal little project: A child, at play, the most basic of all things. Ia, all we understand, simply the smallest part in this constantly expanding room. Though at play, we understand everything about children, about this child, we have them completely understood to a science.

This is everything we know, everything we understand, all that is real, and all that is theoretical. The child Ia, is the world, everything understood. The floating balls of light are stars, are planets, a beautiful little solar system that is being dissected and recreated each year. This makes up only 0.4% of everything. The gas within and surrounding the system. 3.6%. This comes to a grand total of 4% of all matter, completely, or close to completely, understood.

The celestial bodies, not glowing, not giving off any signs of life, this is dark matter. It isn’t actually in existence, not tangibly yet, however it must exist in order for relativity to function correctly, in order for the universe to be in gravitational equilibrium. Seems to be a pity of an existence for so much matter to be simply overlooked except for it’s effect.

Finally, the mysterious force, the mysterious cold kinetic energy slowly breaking the room apart, slowly expanding all that is known. This the theorized entity of Dark Energy. Completely hypothetical except for trace proof that was found from digging incredibly deep into space time. This is Dark Energy.


This is 75% of the universe we know absolutely nothing about.

As these shadows fall

I've been thinking of starting a book.

I write constantly and consistently enough as it is, and I realize that it would be much better if I were to use this lesser evil for a better good. I've wanted to be an author since before I can remember. This expression of creativity eventually molded itself into an infatuation with music which eventually became a bitter denial of me having any ability at all. However, it has come time that I am motivated enough to actually begin again with what little time I have. This means I might not be blogging as much. Might. But it's quite true that I love coming here to let everyone know exactly what's on my mind anyway, so you'll probably still hear a lot from me, but now maybe you'll get little tidbits and character sketches of this so called novel that I want to write.

All my little attempts at making a high traffic blog have failed, and that motivation is starting to dwindle slightly, but I still feel I can make it happen with a little bit more motivation. I have to become somewhat more of an entrepreneur. I have to realize what it is the general population is out to see or read. wikiHow really did it right with their site, and chances are they'll be sucking up the gist of traffic, but that doesn't mean I can't put a healthy foot forward in trying. I'm contemplating making an attempt at the gadgetry niche of blogs, or the game side of them, explaining different ways to mod video games, systems, the like, this seemed to work for some people before, maybe I'll be equally as lucky.

I've also noticed that having an incredibly malignant post on these about some one caused a fluctuation in traffic like there was no tomorrow. Should I exploit people's emotions, and my own, to try to achieve some sort of psuedo-attention? I think not. That wouldn't be fair to any of you, nor true to myself, so I think I'll stay off of that road. Who knows what I'll actually end up writing about along side the book. The new novel that I'm going to try out.

Julianna, I want to take this last little tidbit of my post to tell you that I can't stop thinking about you, and it's become rather comforting to have you around. Because I make you happy, because we're meant for each other, you've truly taken the greatest steps toward making me actually believe I'm some what of a useful human-being when it comes to love. Thank you.

The Trust

Finished recording a new song, it's going to be up on the myspace soon enough, I can't wait to get it out to the public, maybe rerecord the vocal track with the new pre-amp, see if we can't get a little famous. I wouldn't mind actually being able to play in a band for a living, actually live out my dream, that would be really amazing. Sometimes you just dream about it, living the life, being part of the dream, however, there's not much in dreaming that, just a little false hope.

Our band store's awesome, Jordan did a great job designing a marketable logo, I honestly can't wait to get a t-shirt myself. So soon as I have money online I'll be getting on the Panda Farm diggs. Anyway, I guess I'm off to work for another eight hour later afternoon shift at Sobeys.

The Best to all of you.

Cook

Deficit

If anyone every took the time to look into the back of a book for all the little quotes that anyone ever wrote, they’d find the million different names hoping to someday be famous. Here in the back of this book, you are truly immortal; you have truly left a stamp on the world. If you could take all these names, and cross-reference them with all the names that ever left the city, that ever flew away. You’d have an incredibly small list.

You’ll find a lot of things jotted on that back page of that chemistry text book. Maybe you’re bored, maybe you’re seeing it as you squiggle your name down beside theirs’. There’s so many different things. It’s a graphologist’s dream: To take all of these signatures and to break down their personalities. You could make a physical journal out of the names in the back of the chemistry book. Thick dots on the “i”s, Issac Martin was an authoritative kind of person. The end of your “y”s loop down, halfway through the next line of writing. Becky Byron was a free thinker.

You take all these names, and you find out what makes them tick, and then you make their own little journal, each individual’s personal agenda. You can make them seem however their letters indicate. However your graphology background defines. You’ll become biased and make sure all signs point to failed fame though, because psychologically speaking, their name being in the back of a chemistry book points to them wishing they were more famous than they are. You make journals and you find peace in it. Making history the way you’d like it, with everyone’s decisions under your own finger tips. You making everyone else’s personal agenda.

In the back of the biology text book you find directions leading from page to page. It’s indirect attention, it doesn’t matter if the writer is there when the reader begins following directions, just as long as some one does.

Turn to page 63

You skim through the article on the complex phosphorus bonds between Nucleic Acids for the next clue as to where to go. Underneath some one’s scrawled words of caution.

Turn to page 98

You’re onto cell structure by now, explanations of different proteins acting through their amino acid bases within cells; facilitating mitosis, allowing flawless cell division, warning about radiation.

Turn to page 132

Onto the production of gametes through meiosis. You feel a little sorry for the three polar bodies that are produced in lieu of an egg. They never even had a chance, never even got the opportunity to become part of the list of names in the back of this book. You take note to feel a little sorry for them in the future.


Turn to page 200

You’re into human reproduction now, it’s the end of the road. Next to the diagram of the penis some one’s written

Faggot

Above the word is a person’s name, recently etched into the page.

Bobby Kerns is

Then an arrow pointing down. Somewhere off to the side of the page Bobby Kerns rebuttal is

Fuck all of you

Good come back Bob.

You flip the book shut. You’ve had your own little adventure today, you’ve seen enough to get you through the night. It’s not something you’d dwell over anyway. Trivial people getting their little slices of immortality on the pages of a biology text book.

You never notice graffiti on the AP calculus text books, never. It’s because the people that have committed that far, committed to actually educating themselves beyond a high school level while still contained in these walls, they’re the ones who already know.

The ones who already understand that they’re not going to get famous.

The ones who understand that they’ve already grown up, and that little Miley Cyrus and Jonas brothers’ sized window of opportunity is already closed. They know they’ll be working at some job they know they won’t like for the rest of their lives. They simply don’t have the heart to write their names in that back of those books.

They won’t be immortal.

Existentially speaking, none of us are.

Personal Growth

You wake up at three o'clock in the morning, you force yourself to stay awake until seven. Now sleep. You wake up in a half hour and keep yourself awake through school. Keep going, it's not going to be long before you're used to it.

You missed your naps today, a minor set back, make up for it after you suffer for it.

Sometimes

It'll be a little bit harder

Otherwise, it wouldn't be any fun

Sometimes you're going to want to give.

But then you don't really know yourself.

You think you're willful

Think you're strong.

Minor set backs that you have to learn to get

rid of. Minor Set backs that you
Just have to learn to get over.

But honestly.

Sometimes you just don't have the strength to press on.

But there's no use dwelling over this because

they're just minor setbacks that you can recoil upon,

that you can suffer for then bounce

back from. That you can use to better yourself.

Always Getting Better.

Keep a smile on and don't forget that you're just trying

To get better, because that's the way it's meant. To get better.

Always getting better.

Always Getting Better.

Put a smile on cause the day's almost over.

Yeah I think it's coming to an end.

And today.

It's you're day.

Your Fine Day

You're gonna do what you like

You don't have to worry about

self improvement

Because the days almost over

and when it is.

Because it's your day.

Your Fine Day

Dead Poets Society

You watch the movie a couple times to try to relate to these boys. Thing is, you're never going to be quite like them. Thing is, you're being a martyr if you try.

You watch the movie and you watch over and over again how they say the words. "Oh Captain my Captain." You watch Puck, you watch the gun, you watch the after birth of death, tears tears tears. You've gotta wonder sometimes why death is always followed by tears. It was coming some time.

You watch the dead poets society and you try as hard as you can to relate to one of the characters in the movie, one of the private boys, but it's a little hard, because their parents are a little bit worse than yours. You can't exactly relate to them, you don't want to be a martyr. You can't be Neill, so stop trying. Stop trying to revolt.

You've gotta realize that you're just not enough sometimes. You've just gotta realize that they want you to be perfect. You can't be perfect, so now you've got to realize that they probably don't love you like they used to, back before they had expectations. You've gotta realize that the picture of that little curly haired boy will never ever make her cry as hard as she did when she first found it again. Pain in nostalgia. Over and over time and again.

You've seen it so many times now it's become like a broken record. A broken record you just can't turn off. Over and over time and again. You've got to realize that in six months time you'll be somewhere else. Somewhere so far away you'll never have to deal with these expectations again. Now take a moment to curse the invention of the telephone. Take a moment to curse the invention of capitalism. Take a moment to realize that you'll never get away from it.

Take just a second to reflect on why it is you're trying to excercise, eat right, and experiment with your sleep patterns. Take just a second and ask yourself why you enjoy Calculus, or why you worked so hard at karate even though you hated it. Take a second, just a second to try to give back to the wonderful recording you made tonight. Just take a second to try to keep the tendrils of your self-esteem going.

Going

Going

Gone

Just like you'll be. We all will be. Existentially speaking at least.

The Man From Earth

You can remember a lot of things looking out into an opaque black room. You see the backs of your corneas radiating what little light they’ve retained, causing little flickers, little teases of light to flash through your line of vision. You remember a lot of things in this moment.

Optimistically, this room will eventually be light, hiding the terrifying memories from you forever. Pessimistically, this room will remain dark forever, and you fear you’ll never escape the horrible and daunting memories that flicker past. Existentially, you don’t need light when you’re dead, therefore, this room is just swell.

But the memories are what you think about while you’re here. You never actually remember perfect details because well, the fact is is that things change, and you don’t have tangibility to back up your theoretical image of your past. That old field you walked by when you were just a baby: grocery store. That old school you used to go to: ash.  Every person that you knew when you were a toddler?

Existentially, they’ll all be dead someday.

It’s not really important what you see, because quite frankly it’s not exact enough, however, it’s that you see anything at all. That you can grasp some sort of image out of complete chaos. You see the metaphorical silver linings that already passed you and reach out to them to allow yourself to feel again and again and again, missed opportunity.

Take three more steps backwards out of that room now, stop reminiscing just long enough to get a hold of yourself. Now take three steps back, three steps back, and about face. There you are, staring at yourself in a mirror. This is you now. Introducing the ghost of Christmas present. Now look yourself in the face and realize that you’re not who you were in that cold, dark, room. Look yourself in the face and realize what you’ve over come.

Look yourself in the face and realize that, existentially you’ll be dead one day, so why not live now.

Look at yourself long and hard, and realize what it is you’ve accomplished since all those horrible horrible memories, all those bad things you saw in that room, came to fruition. Now go back.

Walk back into the dark and console your past self that everything is going to be just fine. Everything is going to be okay. Take those little flickers in the back of your corneas and say: “It’s all right, really, it’ll be okay”

Notice the consoling hand on your back.

Existentially, the world will implode one day, and the sun will no longer reach us with it’s light. Existentially our only destiny is to be soil. Is it strange that this comforts me?