Sunday, December 28, 2008

Falling Slowly

Someone asked me, yesterday, how I knew I was in love with her. It was Ashley, in the commencement of a heart to heart that asked me. My beloved friend of many years and quite possibly one of the people who are closest to me. It was something I hadn't much thought about enough, or I didn't think so. I concluded, much in that moment, that I knew it was love when I was happy within every moment I was with her. Every time we were together, even in the times where both of us seemed to have some trepidation eating at our psyches, I became happy in her presence. It's strange, like an intoxication, a bottle you never want to put down. Healthy unknowingness, in the form of a grace that comes to your lips in the greatest moments and happiest memories of your life.

Today, tonight, my mother asked me what I thought about forever. I couldn't tell her to be completely and utterly honest. I didn't want to give myself that kind of false hope that this could last as long as I'd like it to. It's so much different than last time that I hope, I pray, that it'll last as long as it possibly can. I want to feed this flame, this beautiful passion. It's not a prison, not filled with aching bars made of steel that contain me and wrack me with guilt. I'm just, incredibly happy.

I mentioned a friend before, Ashley. I feel I don't give her enough credit sometimes. She's seen me move through the incredibly stupid things I've done in life, and I've seen her do some equally retarded things, however, we're still incredibly close. No matter how many times she touches the stove, it's hell bent to last as a tight friendship. How could I ever keep going with out it. It's like that with her, and the boys. I didn't have boys before this year, and now I do. Quinn, Twinkee, Jordan, Derrick, my boys! Imagine, me actually having boys. I talked to Julianna tonight, about how I came about knowing each of them, how I remember those budding moments as she remembered her's with Josh and Hilary.

I adore those two, Josh and Hilary, the satisfaction they give her, and at the same time they're incredibly down to earth and understanding people. I would be extremely audacious to think I should ever be so close to them, but I hope in time maybe I can see that side of them. They are, along with my friends, the epitome of what friendship is. The relationship, the time spent together, the relaxed sensation of belonging. It's all there, in that tight knit thread of reality. Yes, how audacious I am to think I will ever thread such relationships with the two closest people to Julianna, J-bomb, my love.

I do not intend to leave any out. I care about too many to enumerate a full list, and I'm aware that each of you has an affinity with myself, and with your own tightest group of friends. Here's to hoping you share such amité with your friends.

Twice :)

- Your Humble Narrator

1 comment:

j :) said...

I wondered if you were
going to mention that at the end
of this :P