Friday, December 19, 2008

Polyphase Experiment (day 2)

Alright, here we are. On the verge of delving into something I may very well fail at. Something I not exactly supported in, and something that is potentially dangerous to my health. Am I looking back, of course, but that is only my nature. I am somewhat inclined to be a pessimist, or rather, I tend to over think things to the point in which they are far from what they initially were and therefore produce much stranger doubts. I'm going to attempt it for as long as I can retain the schedule, if it seems to benefit me in any way at all. Tomorrow I work at 7am... that's going to be a blast. I'll be incredibly sleep deprived, and very cranky. I'm sure the carts will understand my quelled anger.

Perhaps I'll use my work as a conduit. A way to motivate me to accomplish many goals. I will be able to focus on the monotonous task of pushing carts around a snowy and incredibly crowded parking lot, therein occupying myself in such a way that simply being at home could never do. I'm excited, and afraid at the same time. I fear my caffeine intake is going to increase significantly, just to keep me stable. I'll try to avoid this consequence as much as possible however.

On another note, Julianna, my love, who is currently traversing Canada with her father, has come into some trouble. I'm not sure if she's angry with me, or just terribly apathetic at the moment. I would hope to believe the matter, as I would be incredibly uncaring had I fallen and gravely hurt myself as she did, on such a joyous occasion as the voyage she is currently on. I worry of course, but she does not stop this fear in any way, as she had to stop texting me. Oh how horrendous. I cannot wait to hear from her again, for I care quite deeply about this one.

There was something I saw tonight, in a lack luster Will Smith film, and brought on a sort of remembrance, something that brought to my mind a strange longing. I saw the tears flowing gently down a woman's face. I'm not sure if this is metaphorical in any sense, however, I believe I miss the care I showed one in the past years. Not necessarily in the excess which I was needed to show such compassion, but to see true emotion as that brought back a sincere longing for that single person. I have replaced her for lack of a better word, but by some one different, some one whom I love, and cherish, as she brings light to my soul and a jovial tune to my lips. This one still visits me from time to time though. I hope to rid my self of that...

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