I think I'm done trying to go about frittering time away. I've got university coming along next year, so it's time to start focusing on exactly what it is that I have to focus on. Money.
It's the one thing you have to worry about every time you turn around. It's the one thing flying out of my pocket the moment I get it. I've decided on a few things, a few things to actually get myself set for a life outside, in the real world. The real real life. The one that sneaks up on you while you try to enjoy your last year of high school. That one. But I guess it's about time anyway. I guess I had to come about it some way, and besides, if I get really get at time management, about money management, about all things money wise in general, I'll actually be able to expand myself properly and come about making more time for myself, and for my friends.
Sometimes I wish that I could be constantly and consistently moving at a speed so fast that time will contract, time will move more slowly, time will become something alterable for me. I wish so deeply that I could actually see time in that vector way that Dr. Manhattan can. Wishing on many different things can only fritter time away however. So I've decided that this will be my formal letter to all of you. Any one who may stumble upon this. This is my letter saying that I am going to begin with my own personal growth.
You have to realize, I've had my time charted out for my entire life. Mommy and Daddy taking care of the hard end of things, the end that time and money are on. It's my turn now, it's my turn to actually take it into my own hands, and try to turn it around, try to become an individual. I could use a few more hours a day, and perhaps through this personal growth, I will get there. I'll get that few extra hours to work on my physics paper, work on some tuition money, work on my relationship with the light in my life, Julianna.
Time time time.
You've gotta realize that sometimes it's best if you just throw yourself into things with a massive burst of initiative. It makes you feel a lot better about it when you actually achieve something. Maybe this extra time will give me a few more hours to work out in every day, to lose weight in. Maybe. Maybe it'll give me a little extra time to read, to actually enjoy life as I'm suppose to. I just need more time.
It's still there, in the back of your mind, and you're trying to tell yourself it's just going to come to you. I've realized now, I've realized that throwing away funds like I have been is a foolish pursuit of something completely nonexistent. I won't find happiness through material possession, buying guitars, books, games. I just have to make due with what I have. I want to take everything I have now, and use only that to do what I have to do to get through until I move out of here, until I pay off my first year's tuition.
Isn't this what everyone thinks about? Maybe in these few hours a day that I will gain I'll actually be able to find out who my roommate is in university next year, I'll actually be able to see if me and Quinn will be rooming together. Maybe in those extra few hours, I can do some assignments for people and make it possible to make a little bit more money with my ability to fluff up Shakespeare in a few moments. 500 words, with citations, with all the quotes planted nicely with proper grammar stuck in, 30 minutes. 10$. Fraudulent? I think not, simply another way to help people who don't have enough time, to make more time for me. Just a synergy between two people who can't find time to do things.
Let my strengths play on your weakness. Let my weakness, benefit from your strength.
With just a few hours extra, every day, I could spend time with my friends, my dear dear friends whom I see barely at all except for in the hallways at school. It's nice of course, however, wishing to see them makes me crazy, I wish I could be like them, so care-free, so moving. Some day, I'll have my few extra hours to hang out, to play video games, to fritter away without worry. Someday
I can only imagine how happy I could be if in those extra hours I can make my life with Julianna flourish in such a way. To be able to lay there with her in my arms, to have her head on my chest while she breaths with me. A synergy of two people, working together. It's just something I wish we had more time for. Or more time to go to parties with her. To be there, to hear the music, to play the music, to watch each other thrash around socially. If only I had those extra few hours.
Time and Money
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